Trust. It's an issue. With all these Tiger woods, jesse james, nameless (should be faceless)other douchebags roaming around in this world it's hard for me to trust any man. I'm completely aware that this makes me sound like a feminist that watches sex and the city re-runs and eats fro-yo as a statement against every man's "ideal woman", but it's the truth. I'm afraid of trust and I'm afraid to trust. Because I firmly believe love is trust or at least the two have a causal relationship one way or another. I feel like when you give someone your trust, you simultaneously give them your heart and if I can never get over this fear of trusting anyone I'll never give anyone my heart. But that's okay, right? At least it will be safe?
In his book The Four Loves C.S. Lewis writes the following statement:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable… The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers …of love, is Hell-- (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves).
This past Easter weekend I've been thinking a lot about the love Jesus had for us. After we broke His heart because of our sin, he gave his life. Now I'd like to think that I am a forgiving person, but at the same time I will not be taken for a fool. But when you look at Jesus from the world's standards, He was a fool. He gave up his life for undeserving, worthless sinners that betrayed him, broke his heart, denied him. When no one was there for him, He showed the greatest act of love the world has ever experienced. I'm learning to let Jesus be the man I trust and put my hope and faith in. People let you down all the time, there's no guarantee my heart won't be broken. But Jesus will always be there. No matter what... Pastor Tim Keller from Reality LA said this in a podcast sermon I recently listened to:
"Your boat is not going down because Jesus is in your boat! There is only one storm that can sink you-- the weight and debt of your sin. If He didn't abandon you in that storm, he will not abandon you in any other storm".
What a comfort. I place my trust in the One who chose to never leave me nor forsake me, even in the worst of times.
